Whether you’re a grandparent who lives across the country, a parent away on work-related travel or deployment, or an aunt or uncle trying to connect with family across the globe, communicating with children from a distance can be challenging. Families schedules are full. Navigating multiple time zones can be tricky. And depending on age and personality, kids can lose interest quickly or feel shy about communicating on audio and video.
But staying in touch and showing you are invested in day-to-day happenings goes a long way in building strong bonds with kids.
So how can we make phone and video chats less painful for everyone?
Here are six tips for meeting kids where they are and ensuring the best chances of engaging and meaningful communications.
1. Establish age-appropriate expectations.
Every child is different in their ability to have a conversation with an adult so it’s important to manage your expectations. Remember that little kids don’t sit still for long – for anything! Try not to take it personally, especially when communicating via phone and video calls is new to a child. If you are just getting started, keep it short. Start with brief hellos and give the child space to set the tone and length of conversation. Then build on that over time.
If you aren’t sure what a typical two-year-old or six-year-old would like to talk about, check out this list of fun questions for toddlers from Parents.com. For older kids, open-ended questions work well so they will hopefully share more than just a “yes” or “no” answer and keep the conversation going. Today.com has a great list of open-ended questions that are sure to draw out some interesting answers from kids.
Take the pressure off little ones by not only asking questions, but sharing fun facts about your life and day. Did something silly happen to you? Did you hear a fun joke you want to share? Make sure that it feels more like a back-and-forth conversation and less like an inquisition.
2. Schedule wisely.
With kids, timing is everything! Are they feeling sleepy or hungry or distracted by something happening in the other room? All of those factors are going to impact the qualify of communications.
Having a regularly scheduled time to chat that takes into account bedtimes, meal times and other aspects of the family’s schedule, can be helpful in finding the best time to chat. It also gives kids something to look forward to.
As with any routine, flexibility is key. Be prepared to cut a call short or reschedule if – despite everyone’s best efforts – it’s just not a great time for conversation.
3. Partner with local adults for conversation starters.
Ask a parent or other caregiver involved in the child’s day-to-day life for their input on what topics you can discuss on your next call. Ask the other adult about the child’s favorite television shows or books. Is there something big going on at school soon? Is there a sport or interest that the child really loves talking about? Find out, then do some research of your own before you talk. Think of similar interests you may have had as a child or currently have and share about those, too.
4. Follow up to show you were listening.
Strengthen your bond by making sure kids know they were truly heard and seen in a previous conversation.
If you told them about something you were going to do or see, snap a quick picture and either send it to them between calls or show them on your next chat. If they mentioned a TV show or a movie they really loved, watch an episode. Then send them a quick text or write down a few notes about what you really liked about it and thank them for the recommendation the next time you talk.
Did they mention a big T-ball gaming coming up or presentation they needed to make at school? After your call, record a short video message or leave a voicemail with words of encouragement.
5. Get creative.
Go beyond asking questions and talking about your days and try something new on your video or phone chat.
Do they like to sing or play an instrument? Have they mastered a new skill like a cartwheel? Ask them if they’d like to demonstrate on video so you can watch and then chat about it.
Show them a fun talent you can do! For little ones, reading them a book or showing them something fun you have around your house are easy but effective options.
Adventures in NanaLand has some fun ideas for going beyond the typical back-and-forth conversation. Everything from playing games to watching TV “together” to reading a story. These are particularly great ideas when you find yourself with a lull in conversation and need to try something new. The most important thing to remember is: don’t be afraid to get silly! Kids will remember the laughter and the fun long after the conversation ends.
6. Leverage something tangible.
Even in the digital age we live in, everyone still loves getting something in the mail. Try sending some snail mail or a care package in advance of a scheduled video or phone chat to have a built in topic of conversation.
Traveling? Send kids a postcard from your adventures. Then hop on a video call to chat about your trip and ask them where they would like to travel to someday.
Want to try an activity together? Send shelf-stable ingredients for a recipe or components of a craft you can “together” on a video call. Companies like Playdatebox have made this even easier by putting together themed boxes you and a child can do together in person or virtually.
While making the most of long-distance communications takes work and planning, it is definitely worth it in the long-run to see relationships flourish.
How does your family ensure long-distance communications are engaging and meaningful? Let us know in the comments. We can all use a little help enhancing our bonds across the miles!